Author: Cat Mayor

Healing My Inner Kitten

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An excerpt from my journal writings a few years ago that I somehow came across this morning, unexpected and in the strangest place, but pertinent as always to this moment in time as I truly step in to all the many aspects of me. Healing of the inner child, reclamation of power. Maybe you can relate:
⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎
While having coffee this morning the thoughts came in… Quite a few. It occurs to me that I feel as though most of my life, family, social circles, etc… that I was either invisible, or basically that my thoughts, words & feelings were unimportant, wrong, foolish, unwanted. Why I started to ‘want’ to be invisible and unheard. & I gave, and continued to give, my power away.
To husbands, teachers, family members, ‘gurus’. Who I trusted with my life decisions and needed consent or approval before moving forward.
I called all these lessons, right? First off, thank you. To all of you who played your role to help me learn. Also, the solar plexus and sacral chakra connection… I have had more than 3 years (or a lifetime!) of issues or blockages in this area. Of course, undiagnosed and docs all say I am perfectly healthy but, here, take a pill….
The power center, creative and connectivity center…
Reclamation of my power.
After speaking about this it seemed so clear. (or at least the following morning)…
I have chosen the victim role. I have given away my power.
It is time to finally, and truly, own it. I begin today.
I accept my strength, for myself, my children, and any others whom I serve.
I am committed to myself in developing yet more strength & in honing in on finding my own way, blending joy & work together, finding respectful partners & a life partner, ,in support, in love, in understanding. Community.
I am further committed, with renewed strength & vibrancy, in helping my children to find and own their individuality, their power, their compassion, their love & how we each express ourselves both private and public. Living outwardly. Finding our joy and adventure!
I love that we can start anew. In any moment.
I ask my Masters, Angels and Guides, and those of my sons, Jesse & Dylan, to assist us in opening our hearts & minds, finding what we need, ease & support during trials, bonded together with love & patience.
Thank you! ❤️ I love you.
~ Cat

Turning Conflict to Completion

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Turning Conflict to Completion

This is one of my personal grid boards.  It quickly climbed the charts as one of my favorites to work with.

In searching for something for one of my boys I came upon a picture of this grid that I took when I first created it, I can see and feel the pure energy and purpose of it still in these pictures.

Immediately, I knew it was significant and did some more searching to find the channeling I wrote on the back of my board and further knew that this energy and intention was significant in the space we are currently in.

I will continue to sit with and tune in to this board, seems a little muddy like it’s been working overtime for me, so I plan to cleanse and reset it… And feel a piece of writing just scratching the surface of my thoughts which are fitting to some things which have been arising as well.

Not sure if there’s enough time to do all that I wish to before work, so I thought I would put these photos out, as maybe they can be of service to someone out there….

Wishing all much love and success in finding your own Truths.

May we each have the clarity to turn our Conflicts to Completion.

Much love,

~  Cat, April 9, 2018  (4+9+2018=24=6 = Universal Love!) 

Spark Within

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Anger can be the spark for some much needed change.

Or it can be just another pendulum swing of the wrecking ball spreading more fear and separation.

That choice is up to each of us.

In our effort to ‘fix’ things or right some wrongs, may we each try to live as an example of what we would like to see in the world, and hold compassion and respect for each other as we work toward Understanding and Unity.
Much love   💜🕊️

~  Cat, March 23, 2018

 

Boston Strong

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Senseless tragedies. Lives shattered. Immediate & permanent loss. Chaos. Shock. Disbelief.
This is not new. Nor unique. At any given time we will find a multitude of events globally.
Each and every one painful, emotional, confusing to those of us directly involved, those of us looking in, and, as gently as I can say this….what about the perpetrators?
There is a human story to tell. Backgrounds to each life that lead us to this result. Even the ‘bad guy’.

Just this morning I was up way too early and looking for a movie. I come across ‘Patriots Day’, thinking it was an old Harrison Ford movie, I turned it on and am brought back instantly to one such erratic moment in time almost 5 years ago, the Boston marathon bombing.

So many things run through my mind. Thoughts of the senselessness of violence, based simply upon differences of opinion or belief, or worse yet, greed and power. Feelings of empathy and peace and healing for all those who face these tragedies head on, as my heart swells with love for those with the strength to endure and overcome. Along with my own hopes and fears for the children of our world, including my own.

I find myself, almost 5 years later, feeling and experiencing my own small part of this particular event and all that I did on that day and the week that followed, after having one of the clearest visual premonitions I have had to date, and in trying to understand what it all meant.

There were many unexplainable moments during that time for me, each of them etched in my mind. Most vividly a vision during my morning meditation, in which I saw a beautiful and light filled spirit. As I was trying to decipher who this was, so golden bright I actually thought it was Jesus at first, its light faded and kind of zoomed in closer to see the light in his eyes turn black. Though I didn’t know it at the time he turned into ‘suspect #2’ as I watched.

I remember it being a Monday (April 15, 2013) and I was in my den doing an early morning meditation after my boys left for school. I had not yet heard of the bombing that occurred later that day but I did experience anxiety and a growing sense of ‘something occurring in the world’, which though not very much fun was common for me at this stage of my development as I picked up on world energies of unrest and turmoil.

So vivid, so clear, this transformation from good to evil. This instantaneous shift was like a blow that literally took my breath away. But in that instant I knew the point: We each have the capability to become. Our best or our worst. The brightest light or one who brings darkness. Along with: this person I was seeing was unsupported in the light.

Watching it all unfold was even more surreal. I had no idea who this face was. I simply knew I should turn on the tv and watch the news. Something I don’t typically do unless this feeling of unease needed to be identified. Once I saw the bombing news I knew this was related and normally, when the source of this energy is known, my anxiety tends to subside. Then I started seeing photos on the news of this particular face on that Thursday.

Mind blown. Why would I be shown such a thing and experience the panic and urgency when there is nothing I can do about it, nor do I even know what ‘it’ is before it occurs… ? What good can come of understanding after the fact?

Part of the answer to that came days later as I visited with a beautiful healer, mentor and friend, Kathryn, who almost immediately said to me “You saw ‘number 2”. Mind blown yet again.
But, her insight was that this was shown to me as a confirmation. To trust myself and the information I receive. A tough one for someone who has always been taught that her feelings and thoughts were wrong or didn’t quite matter… the impact of this experience was tangible.

But, why do I find myself here today? Thrust back into the feelings and lessons of it all?
To me this holds importance. Something happening now that will need the lesson of then…

And as I think about trust, I know also that I immediately felt safe and protected. At no time, during that vision, did I feel that I was in danger. I do remember calling upon Archangel Michael and beings of the light at virtually the same time I realized what was occurring in my vision. You know how sometimes we think we may respond one way but never quite know until we are in that situation… so this is a good thing.

Flash forward to this morning. I unexpectedly found a movie portrayal that linked me to a time in my life where I learned some pretty intense things about myself and others. Though I may not have understood them completely in the moment, I see how very critical they are to my sense of well being, along with a better grasp of these gifts that continue to open up in me.

Emotion and gratitude are what I am left with. The depth of the human spirit, our connection and our resiliency. At the end of ‘Patriots Day’ the feelings conveyed by Patrick Downes, just one of the many injured that day, is what I take forward with high hopes that more and more of us choose and support the light:

“Two people took many days and weeks to plan out hate but Love responded in an instant.”

In his reflection of the many other senseless acts of hate around the world he speaks of the importance of thinking of each affected “not as victims of violence, but as ambassadors for peace.”

Boston Strong. Thank you.

“And, in the midst of all the chaos, I found me again.”

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1-23-17/5-25-17
The way I see it, my visual equality, that which the world may judge me on or categorize me as, is just that… an outside judgment and simply not my truth. That in reality, my equality has more to do with me personally, how I feel about myself, as much as my upbringing; the environment those around me taught me was acceptable. And now, those I choose to surround myself with; my acceptance or allowance of things. My ability to speak out, or speak up or my willingness to work hard and go get something if I want it.

I have been working full time since the age of 15. On my own, since 17. More than a few times, others have relied upon me to shelter and feed them. Seemed hardships always surrounded the people I was drawn to.

I have had more than a few management and key positions in ‘men dominated’ industries, where I made a very healthy wage. I broke free of the molds without even thinking that there were molds. Scoffing at those that said there were. Not in my reality.

I have crawled out of the muck and mud countless times. Overcoming drug addiction, divorce, homelessness, debt. I walked away from just about everyone and everything I knew to accomplish what must be done, as I knew, it must come from me and only me. And, I did it.

From working 3 jobs, 7 days a week, I was able to steadily increase my wages, get better suited jobs, work my way down to 2 jobs, then down to only one. Finally added in tech school, a social life, and plenty of adventures! & man, did I enjoy quite a range of excitement & experiences!

I was living life and totally free. As always, responsible and reliable, yet wild and spontaneous. With money in the bank and all that I needed. The only time in my life that I remember a feeling of ease. Connected to many different crowds, as always. Each diverse and interesting in so many ways. Hiking, biking, skydiving, camping, rafting, rappelling, potheads, techno dancing, drinking, road trip taking, spiritual, earthy, creative, music, night life & quiet time! City life and country bumpkin wrapped up in one. Yet now I realize that most of my travels were all on my own. Headed here or there to meet a crowd, or hop a flight to catch up with the rest, or maybe driving at 3am in the midst of the parkway trucker convoys, such sights and sounds and people! I was so busy and marched to my own drum that I was not in sync with others time frames…Though sometimes I would wish for someone special to share it with, it didn’t stop me & the craziest & coolest shit would happen!

Leading into my second marriage, things happened so quickly. I worked full time, 13 hour days, until 3 weeks before giving birth to my oldest son, fully intending on going back to work. But, after bringing this beautiful being into this sometimes harsh environment, I chose to stay at home and become my child’s connection to the world and all around him. So that he was raised with morals, and support. Individual to him. And then continued on when my youngest son was born.

Though I am glad this was my choice, this is a different kind of work altogether. Some, like me, can get lost in it and it wasn’t long before I gave myself away & found myself in this long term codependent narcissist/empath relationship. But, that’s another story.

Fast forward to today. On my own & struggling once more. And, this time it is not just me that I need to feed. I sometimes worry that my ‘stay at home mom’ function & state of being did not convey this lifetime of morals and work ethic to my children in this little place we call home. I hope these ideals and integrity are what my children will ultimately know of me. Even more so, that they carry them through in their own lives, marching to their own drums & experiencing some crazy, cool shit in that great wide world out there.

What I know of me is that, during my lifetime, I have fully experienced my own strength and power. Whether I was in the flow or in opposition. There was never a question of who I could rely upon, I was here all along. Never a question of whether to do what needed to get done, it just got done. I am strong. Capable. A Manifestor and Co-Creator to my reality.

I have been on my own for a few years now.  Really weeding through the muck that is me.  Relied upon when I could not fathom even getting myself ready for the day.  Down and out, yet more connected to love and peace than ever before. 

And, in the midst of all the chaos, I found me again

Morning Ritual

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Journal Entry

March 13, 2017

Today’s journal entry & Random Thought from the Shower:
3+1+3+2+0+1+7=17=8
The importance of my daily morning ritual
Many months ago, I would say at least 6, I was ‘given’ a phrase by Master Jesus: “Head & heart connected, Spleen protected, Sealed in the Blood, and the Love, of Christ. ”
Spoken while ‘anointing’ myself w/Frankincense (occasionally another oil, but usually Fr.) in specific locations of my body:
Third eye, heart, l/r ribs (spleen), wrists, top of feet.
I take my shower & cleanse, washing stagnation, muck, obstacles, down the drain. Then seal & bless, echoing the thought lately to ‘Cleanse & clear’, and on to my ‘anointing’ & Jesus’ verse.
Sometimes I am guided on to other prayers, breath, body movement, action, etc…
& though I am certain that the Universal energies enhance & support my progress, I also need to acknowledge that I followed my inner urgings, I listened to my gut & to Master Jesus at that.
& that, by simple intention, thought & feeling, done consistently, I have seen/am seeing such deep & impactful results & karmic completion.
I feel this just as clearly as I was given the verse & knew what to do with it.
Thank you.  I love you. I love me.

“Here he is, Charlie, the brightest spark in the Universe”

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Thoughts…..
So, I was awoken in the night, mid-dream, to my friend Georgia, speaking to me: “Here he is, Charlie, the brightest spark in the Universe”, as an introduction to someone (I thought a guide) that I never saw, because my pup, Max, was also trying to get my attention by scratching the side of my bed.
And now, sitting here, having coffee before starting my day, specific past lives begin making their way through my mind.. haven’t thought of them, or regression at all, in what feels like a year now…
This clicks a memory to share with Georgia, the events of last night…
So I go to FB to share, and up pops this memory… pictures that I found that relate to a past life of mine, in France. My shoppe was on this street. Researching the events and time period brought me to find these pics and they seriously blew me away.

Even better, I’ll be heading out for a refresher course in Master Teacher training for Reiki for the duration of the weekend….
Always get some serious adjustments during attunements…
Wondering what is in store for me and excited to begin!
Let’s get it goin’ on!
Thank you!   

My friend looked up Charlie:

Charlie
The most amazing guy in the world. He knows how to make a girl feel good about herself, and would do anything he could to make her happy. He would never try to hurt a girl, or anyone for that matter. He is sweet, sensitive, caring, outgoing, courageous, funny, sexy, gorgeous, everything that a girl would want him to be. He is an exetremely sexy man, with a hot ass body. He knows the right things to say to a girl whenever she is feeling sad, and he will stick with her no matter what. He fights for the people he cares about, and he doesn’t back down. He is the sweetest guy you will EVER meet in your life.

~  Cat, February 18, 2017

 

Maastricht:

Divine Mother, pray for us

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Divine Mother, pray for us <3
Mother wounds. The feminine aspect. Equality and feelings of worthiness.
These are absolutely in the forefront of American culture, and in others around the world.
Please, if you will, take a moment to send love to your own heart. To your Mother, Grandmother, and all women who surround you locally, globally. Most especially to our sons and daughters.

These transitions are necessary, & though they may not be pleasant, they are bringing us to better days.
Those of us retaining Mother Wounds may not have even thought it to be the source of our doubt or hesitancy to embark into the world, successful & confident.
Clearly many of us are feeling the need to usher this in and heal these long standing wounds.
It is my understanding that this may be just one of an underlying catalyst prompting change toward a more balanced individual & society.

My wish is that we each see ourselves as beautiful, capable, and strong. That we teach our children the same. That we give thanks to those who came before us, as no matter how they taught us… they played the role that we requested of them out of their undying love for us.
My love to all   

~  Cat, January 23, 2017

 
 

I can create my world as I choose!

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Each of us, one by one, who hold the space for peace, harmony, love, positivity, health and abundance for all…

Is Creating a future for ourselves and for those around us.
Each and every one of us who actively creates a more peaceful world on a daily basis, is helping to usher in a better today and tomorrow…for all of us.
Imagine many people acting in more peaceful ways, being kinder, more compassionate, forgiving, helpful… and what a difference we would see.
Now imagine this on a national and global scale.
We have the power. We each hold it in our hearts and minds. In our hands. Let’s focus more on creating positive change. Unify, rather than separate.
Many thanks, on behalf of my children and all children of the world.

~  Cat, January 21, 2017

Abandon yourself into the hands of Mary

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Another helpful and timely reminder to listen to our inner voice. We know what we need.

Though I have many important things on my to-do list today, I will not, nor should I, attempt to accomplish it all. Not today.
After going around in a fog for too many hours… I decided to run with my original plan…. and took a nice, hot, long bath in epsom salt and lavender. Dimmed the lights and some awesome soul music.
This is, after all, the plan I set for myself this morning.
Followed by clearer thinking and thoughts on what I can get done, the rest will wait. Guilt free..

Do you need a break? Take it. <3 You are worth it.

~  Cat, January 18, 2017